The Antithesis of Being a Man

[Written for Feminist Theory.]

Throughout Bonnie Mann’s book, Sovereign Masculinity, the one thing that has stuck with me was the opening quote in the preface. “They wanted us to feel as though we were women, the way women feel and this is the worst insult, to feel like a woman.” This comes from a man detained by US soldiers regarding the treatment he and other prisoners endured. The worst insult to this man, who is being brutalized in ways unimaginable, was to feel like a woman. This is what Mann tackles in her book-- the why-- and I think she does a good job of it. If we look at what Bonnie describes as the “I can” body, Iris Marion Young’s account of the modalities and the way girls change during adolescence, we can understand fully why Mann’ claim that “to be a woman, is to be denigrated,” (85) and why men fear feeling like a woman so much.

Mann’s analysis of what it means to fear feeling like a woman includes something that makes perfect sense, yet hard for me to articulate. She discusses this with what is referred to as the “I can” body. This essentially refers to the idea that the body can do something; the body can reach the end of a goal. However, the fear comes about when we realize the feminine “I can” is more of an “I cannot”. In Mann’s words, “Female body comportment is structured around disruption of the “I can” body, which is at the center of perceptual and kinesthetic experience.” (86) This is illustrated with her examples of coaching children in volleyball and Young’s account of the modalities. There are three modalities that Young describes and each of them discuss the ways we use our bodies. The first modality is one that does not follow gender lines. Inhibited Intentionality describes the intent to move forward with a task but being held back by our unconscious mind. Mann illustrates this with her volleyball team by telling us about the children’s apprehension when it comes to hitting the ball. She says they set forward to hit the ball, but in the end, they become apprehensive and lose focus, not finishing their goal of hitting the ball. Again, this doesn’t follow harsh gender lines; Mann’s boy players did this fragmented movement the same as the girl players; however, the next two modalities do follow gender lines. Discontinuous unity is illustrated by Mann when she tells her players to call “Mine” before rushing the ball, to instill a sense of “I can do this, this is mine.” The boy players would call “Mine” and rush around, pushing the others out of the way to achieve their goal. They were operating with a strong “I can” attitude; however, the girl players struggled with this more. They would hold themselves back from even claiming the ball for themselves, Mann says they’d “start to say the word then almost swallow it, move toward the ball, then turn away from it.” (87) She stated that this modality was “Most stereotypically feminine in their body movements seemed to have a set of invisible walls around them.” (87) These two modalities can be seen as comical and fragmented as the body performs as if it is unaware of itself as a whole. I can count numerous examples of discontinuous unity in my own life in gym class growing up. Most of them are the same as Mann’s volleyball girls; however, I wouldn’t just shy away upon hearing a word, I would shy away completely. Most of the girls in my class would. We would be allowed to opt out of the class game and walk around the gym instead, choosing to watch from the sidelines as the boys and few girls, those deemed tomboys, would jump around the floor playing their sweaty little games, taking every score or loss to heart.

Moving on, we have a third modality that is completely geared towards the femenine, but we move away from our Volleyball illustrations. The final modality is that of Enclosure. This is a modality that is rooted in the male gaze and seen in literal illustrations; it’s been represented by girls drawing pictures with high walls surrounding them. Inside these walls, the girls can see out, but they cannot move out. “Femenine spatiality is characterized by the positioning body-subject experience herself at one and the same moment as a positioned body-object.”  (88) That is, these girls see themselves as an object of the male gaze. This modality was one that was more difficult for me to wrap my head around at first glance, but it becomes incredibly clear when we discuss adolescent aged girls and their transition from being “assertive, energetic, and ‘tomboyish’” to being “deferential, self-critical and depressed” with an unhappiness about their bodies. Why do girls encounter such a transition? Mann says it is due to adolescence in the United States being a sort of Bermuda Triangle, a kind of a catch-22. Being an adolescent with internet access, as most in the United States do, opens a whole new world that I think is at the crux of this issue. These girls are seeing sexually explicit material from the moment they are able to use the internet, engage with people they may never meet face to face, and more. This combination sets them up to view themselves as objects for men, the center of the male gaze, and being targeted or harassed by men of any and all ages. “Being attractive to boys is still the first avenue to existence in the imaginary domain of the American middle school girl.” (89) This mixed with the hormones coursing their bodies, learning who they are, and trying to prepare themselves for the world disrupts their “I can” and their developing self. “They just seemed wrecked. They were hard on their families and on each other. Particularly junior high seemed like a crucible. Many confident, well-adjusted girls were transformed into sad, angry failures.” (89) This transition happens for a slew of reasons, but another one that I’d venture to claim is shame or the fact that they're sneaking around and hiding from their family, their friends, their peers, and I’d claim this reason out of personal experience.

For me, my adolescence was filled with Kik messenger and Omegle, Tumblr and hating the way my body looks, in addition to silence, anger, and depression-- so much so that I have next to no memories from my youth. My experience is far from original; most of my friends were the exact same. We would have sleepovers together, 5 girls in one house crowding a computer with the website Omegle pulled up, and talk to strangers. The website is meant for anonymous, faceless messaging with people around the world. A Global Russian Roulette table for grooming young girls, and it worked. You find someone to take interest in you on Omegle, tell them your Kik handle, and then take your conversations to Kik, where things continue to get interesting. This was my introduction to being the center of the male gaze. On Tumblr, at that time, you were thrust into a world of self-hate. It was all about being thin, making yourself sick, being proud of your bones. It was horrid, but for an impressionable young mind, attempting to be the center of the male gaze, it was a wonderland. The term “thinspo” was created to mean “thin inspiration” and girls dreamed of knowing “ana” (the moniker for anorexia.) Every ounce of this was in secret. Our parents had no idea what we were doing, what we were seeing, and they still don’t for many. For many of us, we kept these aspects of our lives completely secret, only sharing the darkest details with those closest to us. This disruption of our “I can” bodies collided with the disorganization of our developing selves is the crux of why men fear feeling like a woman.

In conclusion, Adolescence is a breeding ground for anger, self-hatred, depression, and far more, that go hand in hand with the fear of being a woman. Why? Because being a woman is excruciating work-- the hardest job in the world. To be a woman means to be scared, helpless, malleable, silent, feeble, dependent, weak-- everything a man is supposed to not be. To be a woman is to be the antithesis of a man, so for a man to feel like a woman, you’re stripping everything about him away. He is nothing now because his adolescent years didn’t prepare him for the battle it takes to be a woman. For these reasons, I believe Mann is correct in her analysis, and I am slightly a misandrist.